Two hours into the ride and I wish I could ride this bus forever. With the cap of the hoodie over my head and the music blasting from the headphones, the bus speeding on the highway and the rain pouring monotonously outside. The raindrops trickle on the windows, just like that day. I just close my eyes and turn the volume up, as images start to unroll behind my eyelids, like a movie.
I was waiting for the light to turn green and just looking around at the poor guys caught off guard by the heavy rain started out of nowhere.And this girl catches her attention, her umbrella turned upside down by the wind and she´s soaking wet but instead of getting angry she bursts into laughter, in the middle of the street. As I stare shamelessly at her it hits me, that contagious laugh is familiar. She changed a lot since she moved, but I can still recognize her. My childhood best friend since forever. So I honk and get out of the car.
“Elie ?!”
Elie looks up at me, with a funny, surprised face.
“Get in! I yell over the noise of rain and traffic, gesturing for her to get in the car.”
As she closes the door behind her, we look at each other and start laughing with enthusiasm.
“Gwyneth, I can´t believe it´s really you. It´s been so long!”
“When did you get back? Are you here to stay? Wow, you changed so much.”
“Take it easy. – she laughs- I got back a month ago, but I swear I was so busy with papers and running errands, I feel like it´s been a day since. And yes, I´m here to stay. I just got out of a job interview actually.”- she says, gesturing towards the black pencil skirt and the light pink top. We both know It isn´t her usual attire. However, after 8 years apart there might be some things that changed about her.
“I´m so happy you´re back.”
“Yeah, me too. I was gonna call you, I mean it.”
“Yeah, don´t mind it.”
“The awkward silence now.”
“Can´t escape it.”
“Sorry for soaking your car.”
“I should take you home, you might catch a cold.”
“I´d rather have a hot cocoa. Wouldn´t you? I´ll dry out, eventually.”
“Hot cocoa it is. I know a place where they have great hot beverages.”
“Anything you like, I barely know my way around my street.”
So I drive us to ¨Cuppa¨ and as soon as we step inside, all eyes are on Elie. Not the kind of looks people have for the weirdo who is drenched and looks awful. The looks of admiration and intrigue for the bubbly blonde whose laughter fills the place, who doesn´t mind the rain dripping from her locks, who moves lightly and sensual even in rain-ruined office attire. As soon as we sit at a table Elie unbuttons her shirt a little and flips open the menu while I stare at her wondering how can she look so flawless in this situation.
The women in the bus chair next to me moves in her sleep and interrupts my flow of memories for a while. But as soon as she settles, I´m back at Cuppa, sipping hot cocoa and remembering my childhood with Ellie.
“I think I cried for a couple of months when we moved, like every night. I´d cry myself to sleep. I swear, I thought I´ll never fit in.”
“But you did, eventually.”
“Yeah, life works like that. You´ve got to keep moving. But now I´m not leaving anywhere anymore Gwyneth, this city is my love.”
Bullshit, I say to myself. Because she did leave. And now I´m running away from this town, running far where her presence can´t be felt.
I keep my eyes closed and the memories keep rolling because life doesn´t come with a stop button. Not even pause. And definitely, no rewind or undo.
The day we saw each other again was a long one. After Elie flirted with the waiter at Cuppa and got us both the hot cocoas for free, I drove to Elie´s place so she can give me the house tour. She was living alone in a tiny flat, first floor, above a takeaway run by very friendly Indians. In the following months, she will get on very good terms with Sajan and get free take away every week.
The apartment was small but full of Ellie´s personality, from books everywhere and the ¨inspiration wall¨ filled with photos about everything she liked or cared for, to the messiness that characterized her. As the evening rolled in she ordered pizza and we talked boys, like most girls eventually do.
“I fell head over heels for Dan, for his dark messy hair, the husky voice….the six packs.”
Her eyes got wider when she reached the last part and we laughed.
“But he´s so jealous, it drives me mad at times. But I love him, you know?” She says and her eyes prove that she means every word.
“Yeah… I nod, my eyes piercing the floor.”
“Wait a sec, Gwyneth, look at me.”
I did so, reluctantly.
“You don´t have a boyfriend do you?”
“Not now, no.”
I wasn´t lying…much,
“Have you had any?”
“Not…really. Technically, I had but …”
“But…?”
“We were together for a month. When we were 12.”
“No no, it doesn’t count. So you were never in love!”
“Really really in love, not yet”. I can feel my cheeks burning and look away, toying with the pizza cardboard.
“Wow. I don´t know whether I should envy you or pity you. A bit of both, I guess.”
“Envy me? Why would you do that? -I was puzzled.”
“Well, your heart is so…brand new. Never been broken. You´re never quite the same once someone breaks your heart. You get over it, of course, and it doesn´t hurt anymore, but it´s not the same. Sometimes the new guy says or does something that reminds you of the ex and you ache a little. You start looking for signs that say ¨this guy´s trouble¨. Oh forget it, I´m freaking you out. It doesn´t matter anyway since you have yet to experience it and you may even find mister perfect right away.”
I laughed it off. But Elie was serious. There was nothing in the world she believed in more than true love. She even put ¨fall in love¨ at the top of her bucket list.
“I want to always remember this, that no matter what happens I need to fall in love again. With a guy, with me, with life.”
“You´re so mature sometimes, are you sure you´re 19?”
“My grandma taught me this, I´m just quoting her.”
She didn´t like being praised and always shrugged it off. So she got busy with her pizza and changed the topic. We ended up arguing over who should win America’s next top model.
I open my eyes, back in the bus and pat the backpack to make sure Ellie´s notebook is safe. It´s still there, with the bucket list in it, with ¨falling in love¨ at the top.
¨I still mean it.¨ Ellie says from the back seat. ¨We used to have fun, Gwyneth. So why do you keep shutting me off now?¨
“I can´t talk to you now, not on a bus full of people who would call me crazy for talking to myself”.
¨Just because they can´t see me doesn´t make you crazy. I´m here, Gwyneth. I don´t know how or why, but I am.¨
¨I know¨ I whispers softly.
¨Fine. As long as you believe me I´m ok. ¨
I put my headphones back on and press play.
Lily in Writersland 